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Long Distance Relationship - can they work?
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May. 3rd, 2007 | 08:04 pm
I feel...: 
can it work?
Girls, if this will only make you feel worse, don't read it. Am just writing a short entry on long-distance affairs.
The number one question that comes into mind when someone hears the phrase Long-distance Relationships is, "Can it really work?" I do not tend to answer this.
What is a long-distance relationship anyway? If two people have been dating, and one decides to leave, is that already a long distance relationship? The answer is a resounding no. Ground rules have to be set before you consider it a LDR. A discussion on what next steps to take is particularly important. It is necessary for the partners to know what are there options. They can either continue what they have and remain exclusive, they can decide to stay together. but see other people (open relationship), or call it off right then are there.
The first option, which is to keep everything the way it is, is very idealistic, but not impossible. The physiological needs of the lovers are not being met. But lovers usually say, that their love will be surpass this little obstacle. Of course it is inevitable that one will feel lonely and may possibly see what the market has to offer. There's a big possibility that someone might cheat. Why? Because he/she knows that he/she won't get caught anyway, plus the feeling of lonliness. But there is always a choice.
That person may choose to either hold back, or may choose to risk going for someone else. If this is the case, the 2nd option would have been better. But someone is bound to get hurt. Clear guidelines are very important. How much do you love the person anyway? Is he/she worth leaving for someone else who is conveniently there?
Personally, I believe that more than anything, a long-distance relationship is still a relationship. Regardless if you two are always together physically or not, it will still boil down to how compatible two people are and how they compliment each other. Should distance be an issue? Yes, but I don't think it should be the main issue of any relationship.
A lot of people who live close to each other still fail in their relationships. A lot of people who live far from each other survive the short time apart. Like a normal relationship, all you need is hard work, commitment, respect, trust and love. You just have to make it work if you want to. First and foremost, establish ground rules. when are you talking? what can you do/ cannot do? Can you see other people? Constant communication is also very important.
Maturity is also important. How well can you handle it? How well do you trust yourself and the other person? Do not fight over small problems. Because you can't talk as often you as you two want, problems tend to be magnified. Screw the small problems and save the fighting for the really important issues.
Lastly, learn to accept uncertainty. I had a friend before from church, who said, "I know I will not love him the same way I used to when he gets back." she said that it would pass, and it did. She is happily married now.
I don't think that distance will and should affect a relationship that much if there is respect, trust, commitment, and true love for each other. Every relationship has its obstacles and problems. No relationship is perfect. In the case of a LDR, the distance is the obstacle. is it surmountable? definitely. Will be it hard? Obviously.
People keep on saying that he/she misses his/her partner, and that's normal. I know nothing about how these people feel. but at the end of the day, i think it's all about strategy. Ok, so you feel miserable, what are you going to do now? Talk to your friends about it, write about it, engage in sports, watch a movie. there are tons of things we can do with our lives. just explore. This helps one being independent from the other, while being dependent also. One will be empowered to do what he/she wills, but gets the emotional element from the other person.
At the end of the day, all i want to say is that, LDR's are relationships. Relationships are really complicated as it is, and LDR's make it far more complicated, but as long as both parties give their effort, it will work. Honesty is also really important in this kind of relationship. Trust is everything you have. Hold on to it... and never break the other person's trust.
I guess i did answer the question i posted after all.
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kingroll
date: May. 3rd, 2007 10:41 pm (UTC)
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:)
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simounferrer
date: May. 4th, 2007 06:33 am (UTC)
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kingroll
date: May. 5th, 2007 02:26 am (UTC)
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It hasn't been easy but then again, things really aren't easier for anyone else who are physically together with their boyfriends. Relationships, no matter which kind, require work. They're like relationships in The Sims. Even if you love each other sooo much have this unexplainable connection, you have to spend time with that person and make it work. There is a conscious exertion involved.
There are people who can stand LDRs and there are those who can't. I didn't think I'd be one of those who can, honestly. I thought that at the moment the plane carrying my boyfriend lifts off the ground, I'd be in some orgy getting my brains f**ked out.
Before he left, I asked if he wanted an open relationship because I was willing for any kind of agreement just so it would still be "us" when I move to the US in the future. And he said absolutely not, and he wants things to stay the way they were.
But I'm open minded naman, I know so many many things can happen along the way. :) I guess I'm just going to have to be mature about it kasi there's nothing I can do really. Being paranoid while in this arrangement is just crazy. Hehehe...
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simounferrer
date: May. 5th, 2007 03:04 am (UTC)
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lol. i-compare talaga sa the sims :P
open relationship? someone is bound to get hurt. :( it's saying, i wanna be with you, but i wanna screw other people.. sigh
but on second thought, what do i know about relationships anyway. lol
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